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This is an excerpt from the FC Royals newsletter of a year or so
back which we all need to remember now and then - even when we have
graduated to spectating beyond club or high school soccer.
Jim Cathcart
For many of life's endeavors there are unwritten,
but fiercely enforced, codes of conduct which must be followed if
law and order is to prevail. Soccer is not exempt from such codes
and for the benefit of those parents and girls new to the Royals
and/or premier soccer your trusty reporter will try and explain
some of those rules:
Rule #1: Thou Shalt Not Praise Thy
Own Daughter . It is the late in the second half of a vital game
and the score is tied against the arch-villain traditional enemies.
Your daughter performs a full speed sliding tackle to strip the
ball from an attacker who eluded the keeper 3 feet in front of the
goal. She does a pop-up slide and comes to her feet without ever
losing the ball. Juking and faking, she takes a run up the touchline,
leaving opponents sprawling in her wake and then, sensing that the
whistle is about to blow, hits an off-foot shot from 35 yards that
starts out 20 yards wide and hooks back just into the upper V to
win the game.
*Your reaction? A pleased smile. A little leap no more than 4 inches
off the ground. No cries of "Where is Anson Dorrance when we
really need him?" No matter your intent, shoveling plaudits
on your own kid is seen as basically self-promotion, selfish, and
destructive of team unity. Other parents will mutter darkly and
cast jealous glances at you.
Rule #2: Thou Shalt Praise Other
Parents' Daughters. The reason that you don't have to praise your
own daughter is that it is the sworn duty of the other parents to
do it for you. In situation #1 they will give you high-fives, hug
you, and generally declare that the spirit of Pele (or Mia Hamm)
is being channeled by your child. When someone else's little girl
does anything ranging from mediocre to spectacular you will run
up to them with similar comments, assuring them that international
stardom is only a short time away, and that this is proof that the
gene pool runs true. When another girl does something appallingly
awful you are duty-bound to rush to the grieving parent to assure
them that it wasn't that bad, and that she's been having such a
good game she can be forgiven one little goof.
Rule #3: Thou Shalt Never Criticize
Players in Public. The coach has done it again. Starting at striker
is a girl who is slower than America OnLine, completely clueless
about the tactical niceties of her position, and to whom "airhead"
would have to be considered a compliment. You see the opposing team
laughing and pointing. You groan in what you think is a quiet voice
"How can he even keep that dolt on the team". Your feet
leave the ground as you discover that the hulking behemoth behind
you is her Uncle/Brother whom you had never met.
You can generally take as a given that the players
are trying as hard as they can with differing amounts of skill.
Desirable as a "skillectomy" might be, the ability to
trap a line drive and drop it on the shooting foot cannot be grafted
on or surgically attached. Secondly, players are quite aware when
they have made a bonehead play. You will rarely hear a player shout
"Thanks guys, I didn't realize that whiffing was a bad thing!"
Thirdly, even at the U-18 level these are still our kids - not professionals
- and even the pros make mistakes. The pros are paid to be able
to take criticism as aimed at their play rather than themselves
as persons. Your daughters aren't.
Rule #4: When Commenting about the
Field Action, Silence is Golden. At times you may feel like commenting
upon the quality of play, the quality of officiating, and the coaches'
decisions. Due to your years of observing from the sidelines and
the fact that you coached the "Sunflowers" in the U-8
rec league you may have the belief that your opinions are (1) accurate,
(2) incisive; and (3) worthy of communicating loudly so everyone
else can hear them. You are wrong. Neither the players, the referees,
nor the coach are going to make any changes in response to your
bellows from the sideline. They are, however, going to be mad at
you - joining a group including your spouse, your friends, and anyone
standing close to you. Kids goof, refs goof, coaches goof. Before
you shout, picture your next day at work as you are working on a
project and in the doorway to your office are a crowd of players,
coaches and refs booing you and demanding that you be fired.
Rule #5: Silence Can Be Deadly. The
usual response to your sideline comments is a tug on your shirt
from your spouse, a glare, rolling of eyes by your neighbors, and
a silent promise by your daughter to change her name and become
an orphan. However, there are those times when your comments result
in a sudden pall of silence and your becoming the center of attention
from the sidelines and the field. Sort of like in 4th grade when
you fell asleep in class and made a funny sound when you startled
awake. This means you have "Crossed The Line" from being
an obnoxious parent/fan to another status entirely - such as the
"Unknown Brother" at a U-16 Regionals game making anatomically
uncomfortable suggestions about where a referee's unblown whistle
should reside. When silence falls and you are the focus of everyone's
attention it may be time to announce that you are overdue at the
hospital to perform a lifesaving operation and to slink away at
top speed.
Rule #6: This Is Still a Game.
Despite the fact that each player's family has invested a great
deal of time and money in soccer at this level, and they are hoping
that soccer will help pay the college bills, it is still a game
and if your daughter doesn't enjoy it she will not play well - and
maybe not at all. Ask yourself if what you do at games and practices
and tournaments helps your daughter have fun and enjoy the game
or adds pressure and worry. Ask yourself after the game if watching
two teams of beautiful, talented, fit, and eager young ladies was
fun for you? If it wasn't - if you found yourself criticizing, carping,
upset, and unhappy - remember that there is enough pressure and
stress involved with making a living and guiding your family through
the challenges of modern life. Forget the calls, forget the score,
forget the standings. Give your daughter a hug, tell her you love
her, and be thankful for every day you have to share with her because
they don't stay kids very long.
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